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Blog criado por Bruno Coriolano de Almeida Costa, professor de Língua Inglesa desde 2002. Esse espaço surgiu em 2007 com o objetivo de unir alguns estudiosos e professores desse idioma. Abordamos, de forma rápida e simples, vários aspectos da Língua Inglesa e suas culturas. Agradeço a sua visita.

"Se tivesse perguntado ao cliente o que ele queria, ele teria dito: 'Um cavalo mais rápido!"

Mostrando postagens classificadas por relevância para a consulta joke. Classificar por data Mostrar todas as postagens
Mostrando postagens classificadas por relevância para a consulta joke. Classificar por data Mostrar todas as postagens

quinta-feira, 31 de março de 2016

[JOKE] The Toilet Seat




A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.

The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."

By Rubens Queiroz de Almeida
VOCABULARY HELP

  • away - fora
  • cover - cobrir
  • distraught - aborrecida, chateada
  • framed - emoldurado
  • lift - levantar
  • overcoat - casaco
  • paint - pintar
  • predicament - situação dificil
  • rear - traseiro
  • reply - responder
  • show - mostrar
  • sit (sit, sat, sat) - sentar
  • stuck - entalar
  • toilet seat - tampa da privada
  • while - enquanto
  • wife - esposa

 Check this video
Very funny joke you take X Men Female Doctor Heart:

segunda-feira, 7 de setembro de 2015

[JOKE] Vulgar jokes



Vulgar jokes (listening
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said:
"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of prostitutes in London?"
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow."
Vocabulary Help
  • joke - piada
  • nasty - nojento
  • walk out - sair
  • got wind - ouvir falar
  • plot - complô
  • shortage - escassez
  • stand up - levantar
  • head for - ir em direção a

 Enviado por: Rubens Queiroz de Almeida

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quinta-feira, 5 de dezembro de 2013

{Joke} At the Church.

If you want to listen to this joke, (((click here)))


A man who went to church with his wife, always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ....and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th.. she poked her husband who came flying out of the pew and screamed, Good God almighty!.

The minister said That's right, that's right. and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath and later began to doze off again. When the minister got to .... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins..... the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted, Jesus Christ. The minister said, that's right, that's right and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to .... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child? the wife started to poke the husband again, but he jumped up and said, If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'll break it off!

Vocabulary


  • church - igreja
  • fall asleep - adormecer
  • wife - esposa
  • pin - pino, agulha
  • poke - cutucar
  • doze off - cochilar
  • preacher - pregador
  • shout - gritar
  • husband - marido
  • scream - gritar
  • mutter - resmungar
  • die - morrer
  • sin - pecado
  • hit - bater, atingir
  • birth - nascimento

terça-feira, 13 de dezembro de 2011

Will English kill off India's languages?



Whether the government, the private sector or NGOs should deliver development is a question which will not have much relevance unless India's wealth continues to grow to pay for that development.




English is one of the advantages India has which are said to be propelling it to economic superpower status.
There are all those Indians who speak excellent English. It's the mother tongue of the elite and effectively the official language of the central government. Then there is the growing number of parents who now aspire to give their children an education through the medium of that language. But is the craze for English an unmixed blessing?
Back in the sixties the British regarded Indian English as something of a joke. The comic actor Peter Sellers had mocked it so comprehensively that I found it well-nigh impossible to get the BBC to allow anyone with even the faintest Indian accent on the air.
In India, we native English speakers laughed at quaint phrases like "please do the necessary and oblige", or more simply "please do the needful", and "it is suggested that the meeting be preponed", which appeared regularly in Indian official correspondence.
Feted writers
A senior British diplomat once suggested that his PA should find some less geographically specific way of answering the telephone when he couldn't take the call than saying, "Sahib is not on his seat". Much to the diplomat's dismay a colleague told him that his PA had misunderstood the instruction and been even more specific. He'd told the colleague, "Sahib is in the lavatory."
Now with Indian writers carrying off the major literary awards, and Westerners in the IT and BPO industries talking of being "bangalored" when they are replaced by English-speaking Indians, Indian English is anything but a joke.
But could the very success of English in India "bangalore" India's own languages?
The linguist Professor David Crystal speaking in Delhi said: "A language is dying every two weeks somewhere in the world today. Half the world's languages will no longer be spoken in another century. This is an extremely serious concern, and English has to share the blame." Others put it less politely, describing English as a killer language.
But should India worry if English kills off some of its 22 officially recognised and hundreds of its not-so-official languages?
Perhaps the answer is no.
In his book comparing the future of India, China, and Japan, the former editor of The Economist, Bill Emmott, said India fell short of China in almost every measure except the ability to speak English.
So why shouldn't India build on its one advantage? One practical reason is because, looking back over the history of India since it became independent in 1947, it is clear that any threat to Indian languages has the potential to provoke a violent backlash.
Mark Tully is a writer and former BBC India correspondent. This is an edited extract from his new book, Non Stop India, published by Penguin Books, India

quarta-feira, 20 de julho de 2011

[JOKE] Speaking to the Driver

Speaking to the Driver

In the U.S.A., buses will have a sign saying "Don't speak to the driver."

In Germany, the sign reads: "It is strictly forbidden for passengers to speak to the driver."

In England: "You are graciously requested to refrain from speaking to the driver."

In Scotland: "What have you got to gain by speaking to the driver?"
And in Italy: "Don't answer the driver."



And in Italy: "Don't answer the driver."


Vocabulary Help
  • bus - ônibus
  • sign - placa
  • speak (speak, spoke, spoken) - falar
  • driver - motorista
  • forbidden - proibido
  • refrain - não se permitir a
  • gain - ganhar

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sexta-feira, 24 de junho de 2011

[GRAMMAR] Present Simple

Present Simple

First time here? You may want to see the list of basic facts about tenses.
Quick example:
  • live in New York.
  • We play football every day.
  • The meeting starts at 3 p.m.

The Present Simple is the most basic and common tense in the English language. It is also an interesting tense because it can express both the present and the future.
Use
1.   Facts and generalization
2.   Habits and routines
3.   Permanent situations
4.   State verbs (e.g. be, have, think, know)
5.   Fixed / official arrangement that we can't change
6.   Narrations (e.g. telling a story or a joke)
Note
Apart from the above uses, this tense is also used in:
o   Zero Conditional - If it rains, I go play football.
o   First Conditional We won't get our pocket money, if we don't pass this exam.
o   In sentences after "when""before""till""after""as soon as" ("Before you leave, please take the keys").
USE 1: Facts and Generalizations

The first and most important use of the Present Simple is to talk about things we believe are (or are not) true. It's also used to generalize about somebody or something.

Examples:
  • It is a big house.
  • He talks a lot.
  • Berlin is the capital city of Germany.
  • Buenos Aires is a large city.
  • The Elephant doesn't fly.
  • Dogs don't smoke cigarettes.
  • A dog is not large than an elephant
  • London is the capital city of France. (Remember: the sentence doesn't have to be true)

Explanation

In this cartoon, you can see a scientist who says: "The Earth goes around the Sun". 
  • Why is this in Present Simple? Because the scientist expresses a fact, something that he believes is true (in this case, he is right: the Earth really goes around the Sun).

USE 2: Habits and Routines

We also use this tense to indicate that an activity is a habit or a routine. 

Examples:
  • We leave for work at 7.30 every morning.
  • Susan often meets with her friends after school.
  • They usually play football on Sunday.
  • Mark rarely visits his sick grandmother.

The Present Simple tense is often used with the frequency adverbs:
Adverbs of frequency
Adverbs of frequency say how often an activity happens. We can use one word or a phrase.
Examples:
  • always
  • never
  • frequently/often
  • usually
  • seldom/rarely
  • nowadays
  • every week/year
  • sometimes/occasionally
  • from time to time
Here are a few examples of how to use them in sentences:
  • I always go to church on Sundays.
  • I never eat anything after 10 p.m.

Explanation
In this cartoon, you can see a boy who says: "I play basketball every Friday" (click on the now button to see this). 
  • Why is this in Present Simple? Because the boy talks about a habit, something that he does regularly.

USE 3: Pernament Situations

Use the Present Simple to talk about situations in life that last a relatively long time. 

Examples:
  • I live in Boston
  • He works as a fireman.
  • Margaret drives a Porshe.
  • Jerry doesn't teach maths at highschool.
USE 4: State Verbs

You should use the Present Simple with state verbs. 

Examples:
  • I like swimming.
  • We know this man.
  • Margaret drives a Porshe.
  • Jerry doesn't teach maths at highschool.
USE 5: Fixed / Official arrangements

Use the Present Simple to talk about events that we can't change (for example, an official meeting or a train departure).

Examples:
  • The meeting starts at 4 pm.
  • The train leaves at the noon.
  • When does the plane take off?
  • Jerry doesn't teach maths at highschool.

USE 6: Narrations

The Present Simple is also used in narrations (e.g. to tell a story or a joke).

Examples:
  • A man goes to visit a friend and is amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watches the game in astonishment for a while [...]