In this clip from the
1997 move ‘Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery,’ Mike Myers plays
Doctor Evil describing his childhood to a therapy group.
Dr. Evil (Mike Myers)
Actually, the boy’s quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He’s quite wily, like his old man.
Scott: This is what I’m talking about.
Therapist: OK. Well, we’ve heard from you, Scott. Now you, tell us a
little about yourself.
Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Therapist: Oh no, please please. Let’s hear about your childhood.
Group: Yeah, Come on! Of course,
Please! etc.
Dr. Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly
self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a
penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named
Chloe with webbed feet.
My father would womanize, he would
drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.
Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise
that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My childhood was typical. Summers in
Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets.
When I was insolent, I was placed in
a burlap bag and beaten with reeds – pretty standard, really. At the age of
twelve, I received my first scribe.
At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian
named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. At the age of 18, I went off
to evil medical school. At the age of 25, I took up tap dancing. I wanted to be
a quadruple threat — an actor, dancer…
Therapist: You know, we have to stop….
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