This is the
text I'd like to share with you today. As you might have already noticed, I always share some texts that I read. Man, I do read a lot. You have no idea of how
much!
Dr. Kelly
Neff, a renowned psychologist and author, wrote this one.
It is basically about
an interesting subject - Stop Over-Thinking!
The original
text may be found on http://themindunleashed.org/
and you will find more interesting texts there.
I hope you
have a good reading!
8 Ways to Stop Over-Thinking and Find Peace
in the Present Moment
We all do our
best to stay positive, but occasionally we can slip into negative thinking
patterns that can wreak havoc on our lives. We might worry about our past
mistakes or current stresses, and how these could lead to negative outcomes in
the future. We might obsess about or over-analyze regular experiences and
interactions, reading into them things that aren’t actually there. We might
find that as soon as one bad thing happens, we associate it with all the other
bad things that have happened in our lives and begin to feel miserable. We
might feel anxious in the present, having a hard time getting out of our own
heads as we worry and obsess about the things that could go wrong.
If you find
yourself in this place frequently, you are what psychologists call a ruminator,
or, an over-thinker, and this way of thinking can be harmful to your health.
Psychologists have found that over-thinking can be detrimental to human
performance, and can lead to anxiety and depression, especially in women, who
are much more likely than men to ruminate on stress and disappointments than
men.
As a
psychologist and recovering over-thinker myself, I have a lot of compassion for
people who end up in these spiraling negative thought patterns. Many
over-thinkers are lovely, intelligent, nurturing people who value relationships
and care deeply for the people in their lives. Unfortunately, they often push
away the very people that they are worrying about or seeking support and reassurance
from, because they can become obsessive, anxious, depressed, negative and
difficult to be around. This is not a switch in the brain that can be easily
flipped off, but rather, a pattern from which it requires dedication and work
to recover. Based on research in psychology and my personal experiences, here
is my advice for how to stop over-thinking and find peace in the present
moment:
1) Accept
that You Have a Problem with Over-Thinking.
The first
step to healing is acknowledging that you have a problem. If you feel like you
can’t get out of your own head and over-thinking is stopping you from living a
happy life, making decisions, getting things done, or forming meaningful
relationships, then you have a problem. If you find yourself spiraling into
negativity and depression when a bad thing happens, you have a problem. If your
anxiety about the future is stopping you from enjoying the present, you have a
problem. Burying your head in the sand or denying this reality will only make
the situation worse. If you are not sure if you have a problem, ask your
friends and loved ones to be honest with you, because they are usually the ones
who will see it even if you cannot.
2) Forgive
Yourself: Our Brains are Hardwired This Way
Once you can
admit that you are an over-thinker, forgive yourself, because the brain is
actually wired to make over-thinking a natural tendency. According to
Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, the leading expert in this field, “the
organization of our brains sets us up for over-thinking” because our thoughts
and memories are intrinsically woven together, not compartmentalized. So when
stressors are triggered or you get into a bad mood, it can unlock a ‘cascade’
of racing negative thoughts that have nothing to do with the original trigger
for the bad mood. Nolen-Hoeksema gives the example of “when poor job
performance causes you to think about your aunt who died last year.”
Furthermore,
when something bad happens or someone is feeling negative, they are more likely
to think negative things and also see connections (that may not actually exist)
between all the bad events that have happened in their lives. The more
frequently this happens, the more likely the individual is to engage in this
over-thinking pattern in the future.
While the
brain might be wired to make these associations, once you become aware you can
begin to solve the problem.
3) Breathe
More
If our brains
are wired in this ‘interconnected spider web’ where one bad event can trigger a
tidal wave of negative thought associations, how can we break this pattern?
The first and
easiest thing you can do is BREATHE. Breathing will relax you, calm you,
connect you to the present moment, and ground you to Mother Earth. It sounds so
simple but often when our mind starts to race to bad places, we become manic
and frantic when what we need to do is relax the body and mind.
The breathing
technique that works for me involves lying down and taking a two-second long
deep inhalation in through the nose, followed by a four-second long exhalation
out through the mouth. This breathing pattern increases the CO2 in the
bloodstream, which can relax the body and calm the adrenal system’s response to
the obsessive thoughts. Do this for 10 minutes or until the excessive thinking
slows down.
4) Talk Less
So many
over-thinkers, especially those of us of the female persuasion, can’t help but
want to ‘talk it out’ when we are feeling stressed and worried. While talking
about the worries can sometimes help, it usually will make things worse,
especially if the person you are talking to is also an over-thinker, and you
spend the entire time over-analyzing and dissecting every detail of every
negative problem in your lives. You might end up working yourself up into a
frenzy of negativity and feeling even more upset after the conversation.
This type of
co-rumination, where two ruminators get together to over-think about their
lives together, can lead both people deeper into negativity and stress. For
example, research has uncovered an association between co-rumination amongst
female friends and increases in the stress hormone cortisol.
If you really
feel the need to express your issues, you can always write them down, to clear
them out of your mind and realize that your concerns might sound silly when you
read them back to yourself. This type of free-association journaling has been
incredibly beneficial for me. 5) Get Physical and Get Busy
What should
you do instead of talking? Well, you already know to breathe to calm the body
and mind, but sometimes you just want to let the energy out! In this case it
can be incredibly beneficial to do something physical, whether it is going for
a brisk walk, playing with a pet or children, doing yoga, playing sports,
swimming, or running. Activities that are both mentally and physically
engrossing are the best, because they require enough absorption to pull you out
of obsessive thinking patterns and into a state of flow.
In addition
to physical exercises, engrossing activities that stimulate the brain can also
be effective for redirecting obsessive thought patterns. Playing cards,
learning a language, or playing all different types of games can be great
diversions or interrupters of these thoughts. Or you could always learn a new
hobby, make art, draw, paint or take up crafting, such as making jewelry,
clothes, dream catchers, hair extensions, really anything, You might actually
discover a hidden talent you never knew you had, or be able to start a new
career or meet new people as a result.
6) Practice
Mindfulness
One of the
big things that over-thinkers struggle with is the ability to live in the
present moment. So consumed by the failures of the past and the worries over
the future, the present moment does not get the attention and love it deserves.
Lao Tzu said that “if you are depressed you are living in the past, if you are
anxious you are living in the future, and if you are at peace you are living in
the present.” So how can we live in peace in the present moment?
Well, we have
already discussed some of the strategies that can help you quiet the mind and
ground yourself to present moment, including breathing, talking less, getting
physical and doing other activities that help redirect attention and bring the
mind into flow. But one of the best things you can possibly do is practice
mindfulness, a form of meditation where you focus on the present moment without
judgment. As the obsessive, worrying thoughts come in, you acknowledge them,
and then let them go, energetically releasing them and clearing your space. I
strongly recommend learning mindful meditation techniques such as
Transcendental Meditation, or if you are having trouble doing it yourself,
seeking counseling from someone who practices Mindfulness-Based Cognitive
Therapy.
7) Surrender to the Universe
When we
worry, we are essentially hoping to control the flow of life because we are
attached to the outcome of a situation. We want things to happen a certain way,
and we are terrified that things could go wrong or that bad things could
happen. In reality, we have little to no control over the unfolding of events
in life, at least not from the conscious standpoint that our worrying will
directly impact the outcome in the way we want. So, we can worry and obsess, or
we can accept all that IS and let go of our attachment to the outcomes. The
universe is way older and wiser than us, and instead of obsessively worrying,
we can let go of control and with love and trust, surrender to the universe.
Surrender
does not mean giving up; It just means you are willing to go with the flow of
the current, instead of trying to swim against it and getting repeatedly bashed
into the rocks. Surrender is a form of release and a form of peace, because it
means you are willing to trust that everything will work out as it is supposed
to: Trust that everything happens in its proper time and place and you are
exactly where you are supposed to be. Even the concept of worrying about ‘good’
or ‘bad’ outcomes is flawed from this perspective and nothing more than a
symptom of duality, which is only an illusion. As you zoom out to the grand
scheme of the universe, there is no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it is all
ONE, two sides of the same coin.
8) Remember, Your Thoughts Create Your Reality
Even though I
just said that ‘we have no control over the unfolding of events in life,’ and
this is true at least from the part of the conscious mind and its ability to
dictate events, our thoughts do energetically shape and create our reality over
time. Like attracts like, and so the more you worry about something, the more
you will begin to attract exactly the energy you are worried about! If you
still haven’t seen the wonderful online series Spirit Science, I strongly recommend
you view Episode 1, which does an excellent job explaining how our thoughts
create our reality.
We must be
mindful of our thoughts because our thoughts have power, more than we realize.
If you obsessively fear losing your job, you are actually INCREASING the
likelihood of getting fired, not decreasing it. Same if you are worrying about
contracting a life-threatening disease or medical condition: The more energy
you send in that direction, the more likely you are to unknowingly give
permission to your body to manifest this condition.
Your thoughts
and feelings will energetically create your life, which is why my life partner,
sound healer Jimmy Ohm always says, “Worrying is a misuse of creative energy.”
Do you want to create a happy life, living at peace in the momentt? If so, you
have all of the tools to make this a reality by being mindful and present in
your thoughts. You also have all of the tools to create a life of worry and
negativity, if you continue to over-think and obsess about negative events. The
choice is yours and I lovingly hope that you choose wisely. Blessings and Love!
Original version:
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/09/8-ways-stop-thinking-find-peace.html
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